Monday, February 9, 2015

I'm sorry, I didn't hear what you said...

I definitely struggle with patience. And listening. Want someone to start listening and then excitedly talk over you because I can't wait? I'm your girl! This makes it hard when I'm trying to listen when I'm praying. Did you know that part of praying is also supposed to be silent? Like you would be if you participate in normal conversations? (Unlike myself. Please, don't follow my lead on this one.)

It seems like it has been months and months that I've been trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing. And then, because I don't think He could possibly be listening, I try to do whatever I think I'm supposed to be doing...without asking and then listening. I guess you could say I'm more of a leader than a follower in this case.

To be honest, I'm not really sure why I think I'm supposed to be doing something else/additional. I have a decent job. We're (kind of/sort of) able to pay our bills. We're sponsoring a child. I'm going to Haiti on another mission trip (NEXT MONTH). But, I know it's there. I know that somewhere in my half-listening, it's there. My problem is that once I listen, I'm pretty sure I'm supposed to be patient. Oh dear, that's almost impossible!

One slight nudge I'm getting is about writing. I need to write. Here? In a journal? I'm not sure, so I'm doing both. It feels good! (These are really both journals - and probably both private!) I need to come up with some sort of schedule. Something that makes sense and won't make me want to run and cry. We're in our last couple of months before baseball/softball season and it's likely that free time will quickly dwindle.

So, all of this to say that I'm really hoping to be here. Writing through, while I keep trying to listen...and wait. I hope you'll wait with me!

Do any of you have trouble listening? How do you handle it?